On to the next one.

I feel sick. Naim is on his way to meet ANOTHER potential. He’s been chatting with her for a few months. She is a new shahadah. She seems different from the others. She’s younger than me, and I am not old. I’m 26. She has 1 kid. I guess it’s better than Umm Kasem’s 4. She lives about an hour from us. From what I can tell this one doesn’t send inappropriate pictures of herself, and she doesn’t leave nasty messages. She added me on facebook yesterday I accepted. I’m not sure why. She sends me friendly text messages. I don’t know why I am no longer angry about this. Allahu Alim.

5

Hey everyone! I’m back. My life has been chaotic and stressful. I thought I was going to lose my mother. She was in the ICU. My good friend died of cancer. My heart was just broken. I’m not getting back in the swing of things. Ok update on Naim and I.

We are still together. He hasn’t been physical with me sense that night. I’m looking for a taser gun in case that changes. I let him know if there was a next time he would not only be going to jail, but I’d stun his ass. And then call my crazy cousins from East St. Louis to have a talk with him. I believe that we are just different people, and this isn’t going to work. I’m saving my money, so that when my job moves to Baltimore in a year, I can just pick up and go.

I’m young, positive, and I believe( and have been told) a nice person. I don’t want to waste my youth and life on someone who doesn’t deserve me.

Did I mention the serial wannabe polygamist is talking to another sister LOL

This one has 5 kids. SubhanAllah this just keeps getting better. I wonder if he is planning on moving them into my living room. I suggested it. I told him we could make it a huge bedroom. How cute? I told him let me know what colors they want the living room. i’ll even put up animal decals on the walls if he’d like.

LOL.

Hope everyone is well.

“A” game

Lately Naim has been so good to me. So romantic It’s like we are newlyweds again. All week I haven’t contemplated punching him in the neck..wait I’m lying I considered it once. I appreciate the small things. They add up. We leave for work at early crackheaded hours, the other morning I got to sleep in a little bit. When I got in my car I noticed he had cleaned the ice and snow off my car for me. The other morning when I woke up I heard noises, I’m thinking he’s on his dumb xbox360, but no he was in the kitchen cleaning. This weekend out of the blue he made me breakfast. His cooking isn’t great but the effort meant so much to me. He told me that if he had married Umm Kasem he would have been at my house for dinner every night :). She did cook once for us when she was here. It was ok. She raved and raved about her salty greens ick. I wish I could do a voice blog on her voice. I swear she reminded me of an 80 year old man with Emphysema lol. Anyways back to Naim, I got a back rub which he never does. I don’t think he was just trying to get some either. I asked him if he is talking to someone? Or if he did something. He isn’t. Its just been nice, I’ve missed this Naim.

@PolyAmina

I’m on twitter 🙂

I’m new to it, so go easy on me :).

Thanks!

I hope everyone has a safe night inshAllah. Tonight we are hanging out at Ama’s place.

 We went to Jummah today it was awesome. Turns out there is  masjid about a mile from us. AWESOME!

The place was packed. I was ecstatic that the whole khutba was in English. lol.

The imam was awesome mashAllah. I wish there was more room. It was hardly any room for the sisters to pray. I accidently kicked a sister in the head during salat. Anyways I’m off to wait for the delivery man, I ordered calamari hmmmm.

A good man

OK so maybe I was tripping when you look at the cold facts.

I guess I just started to feel bad for some of her situation. I guess I should put an explanation- examples or whatever of why Naim dropped her like a bad habit.

I think I mentioned already the fact that she didn’t bathe the first few days. He was just disgusted by that. We only know that she technically did the day I was home. Naim just said I can’t imagine being married to a woman like that.

I have already mentioned that I had friday off for work. So I was in the kitchen cooking, and I kept going to the living room. My kitchen is open, and I can look out on the living room. My good friend Ama ( I think this is what I named her here, if not sorry for the mix up, but she also lives in the same apt complex as us) was there too.  Ama  and Umm Kasem kept switching off using my laptop. I kept hearing a song go off on her phone. It was India.Arie. I used to be a huge fan so I’d recognize her voice anywhere. I said ” Oh, I know that song that India Arie – GoodMan” I teased her and said is that your baby daddy’s ( I think I mentioned before that she doesn’t like calling him ex husband, she prefers baby daddy, whatever)ring tone? She said no. I just heard her argue with her baby daddy, and that song had came up. She later said my song for him is some rap song ” That’s just my baby daddy” which I didn’t hear all week, honestly. I know the song, I’m the oldest of 5 little hip hop heads. Here are the into lyrics to the song

“I remember the first day
I met you
we were so young
you were a blessing
and there was no guessing
you were the one”

It’s a sweet song. I just wonder why she lied. I may not be from the “hood”, but I’m not an idiot.

I mentioned it to Ama later she said she heard it too. I told Naim about it the day she left. He said yeah I kept hearing that song go off in the car, and all morning. He said I feel there is something more going on with her and him. It doesn’t sit right with me. He didn’t like that she always has her phone with her and he was talking to her she said she was in the car with her ride. Then he kept calling her to get her bus info( she was originally going to take Greyhound), she didn’t answer the phone. He said she always picks up first or second ring. When she called him back 30 minutes later it was silent and she said she was on a city bus. He said it gave him pause, because within minutes she was magically in the car with her ride again who ended up being her baby daddy.

Another concern he had was her scams…. I have to finish this later. A certain little girl needs me 🙂

Maybe we should give her another chance?

Lately hubby and I have been drawing closer to our faith which I love. He spent almost $500 on books!!!

SubhanAllah. I’m soo so so excited. I love asking him questions and picking his brains. I’ve also been contemplating how I acted towards Umm Kasem. Maybe it’s a lack of humbleness, but I don’t feel bad. Maybe I should pray more. There are only benefits in salah.

I kind of miss her and her ghetto-ness. Maybe I’m psychotic, having a breakdown. I talked to Naim about it. He said absolutely not, and for me to get over it :(. He thinks it’s gross that she doesn’t bathe every day. He also doesn’t trust her. I told him maybe we should give it another try and he gave me a bad look. Work is fine. I love the little girl I take care of so much. I was so happy to see her. She saw me and came running to me saying, ” Auntie 7abibti” 🙂 I love her. It makes me pray for my own child one day inshAllah. Today I almost wrote Umm Kasem, but I didn’t because I think Naim would be angry. I need to get a hobby!

Cold

I changed the title, it sounded harsh and mean. Not my intention.

A brother will be moving in the area soon. I told Naim that he has no where to live, so can he sleep on our couch.

Honestly I just wanted to see what he would say. Naim said absolutely not, there are times you would be alone with him. I said but this was the set up with Umm Kasem. I told him the same thing he said to me ” You would leave a Muslim in the cold, astagfirullah!”

He just said no, it’s not happening. I wonder if he see’s the hypocrisy in his statement.

Date night

Tonight Naim and I went on a date.

I got all dolled up, and wore a green dress with black pants, and a black hijab with some small black sequins in it.

I felt beautiful. We held hands in the movies like we were teenagers, giggling and sharing drinks.

After we drove to the halal grocery store 20 minutes away. We laughed, flirted, and sang in the car. We bought lots of nice books. I lost my copy of this book that’s stories about the mothhers of the believers( May Allah be pleased with them). I bought fake flowers to clip on my hijab/hair, some hijabs, and meat.

It sounds simple enough, but it meant the world to me. I have a pepperoni pizza in the oven now, hmmm

We hadn’t been out in a long time, this was way over due. Tomorrow while Naim is at his mothers, I will stay home and clean my home from top to bottom, and read books on the kindle. The kindle is awesome. I love that you can read so many books for free. I’m currently reading ” Uncle tom’s cabin”, I’ve never finished it but I always intended to. I’m not the smartest person in the world, not even close. In fact next to all my friends who happen to be doctors, teachers, and layers I feel dumb.

But when I read classics, I feel like I’m “on the level” of everyone else, so to speak.

Anyways I’m rambling, I just wanted to write, because I wanted to remember feeling like this.

It’s like a modern day Shrek and Fiona, except my husband is Fiona!

It feels so good to write, and get my anger out. I just got off the phone with Naim.

We had a long conversation. He vented about Umm Kasem and why he would never marry her.

I not only got more pissed at her, but pissed at him. He told me when he first went to pick her up she got in the car and made small talk. She then asks him what was the first thing you thought of when you saw me?

He said uhh, that you were a cool person ( she is not cute!)

She asks do you want to know what I was thinking? He said sure. She said my first thought was can we get a hotel room??!!! I’m pissed he didn’t toss her out on her ass immediately! If she lived closer I’d pay her a little visit.

Wasn’t this the same chick messaging me on fb ” Whatever Allah swt wills” ,” Maybe you dislike something good for you”.

You think it’s Allah swt’s will for you to be slutting it up with my husband?

Alhumdulilah she’s gone.  P.s. Stop putting old pics of you up on fb. Post what you really look like.

 

Electric

Naim officially “broke up” with Umm Kasem. I have to admit I kind of felt sad. Even though I didn’t like her for him.

This is the conversation from fb inbox. Gotta love it!

Naim:

hey how are you inshaAllah youre doing well. im contatcting you to let you know that i dont think itll work that you become a co-wife for me. i have to many concerns and red flags concerning yourself and your baby daddy. i didnt want to lead you on cause you are a muslim alhamduAllah. this is my own decision and not influenced by anyone else. jsut wanted to be honest and upfront with you. inshaAllah take care and may Allah continue to keep you on the Sirat al Mustaqeen. as salam alaikum

Umm Kasem:You was smilin in my face but as soon as i leave you send this msg. You couldnt tell me to my face? Or even call me on the phone to tell me. Salams! Yea me & my kids are great!

He is now blocked lol.

I didn’t like her very much at all. There were a few days where I thought to myself we could do this. We could be sisters. I had friday off and we went to costco. She needed someone to buy her food stamps so she would have money to get home *smh*. So I did. If I’m being completely honest, I have to say it was nice to get $200 in groceries for $100 :D. I stacked up on lamb ( it’s halal at costco). She had never been to one. She said they have a Kay’s in her area. Anyways I had the day off and went to lunch with a friend, leaving Umm Kasem at my place. I came back and was surprised she had on an Abaya, and had showered (more on the significance of this later). We went and laughed, and joked. She and her friends were quoting lines from the color purple. Which reminded me of her joke about my hair. I was stretching my hair by putting it in mini braids all over, and she thought it was funny to call me Celie ( from the color purple), I made a snarky remark and rolled my eye. I should say I live up some stairs. I have health issues I’ve briefly mentioned somewhere on this blog. Anyways I told her we could take in the stuff we needed immediately, and Naim could get the rest 4 hours later when he got off work. The boxes were too heavy! I was shocked at her strength, she is 5’1. She said don’t worry I’ll get it. In that moment, for a brief moment I loved her. She carried all that stuff up the stairs. She made an interesting point. She said it’s harder for you because you are married. When you aren’t married you have to do it all on your own.  It made some sense. I am very spoiled in that regards.  I’m used to Naim carrying out the trash most days, fixing things. I was frustrated because I didn’t think there was enough room for all the food. She told me to step back, and we together tossed out some old stuff and she made room for it all. She then said ” you can take the french fries out of the freezer and put them in the refrigerator, that’s what I do”. I asked how long they could stay she said a week. I said no we wouldn’t eat them that quickly. Then I remembered her cooler story, and was surprised to hear her mention a refrigerator especially since she just got electric….